Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
