she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
