Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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