the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize