this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
