i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
