Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
