The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
