Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
