Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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