I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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