I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Your penis caused this!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
