i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's blow job season.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
