i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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