id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
