aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
