That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
