aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
