Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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