I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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