i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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