You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
