you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
