I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
