if you like me you must not know who I am
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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