didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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