I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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