i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Less talking, more tequila
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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