I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize