I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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