i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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