Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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