No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
