I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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