I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
