We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
