OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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