I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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