It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
