Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
