dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
