just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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