I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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