I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
