I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How naked do you want me to be?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
