So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
