I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
