i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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