I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
