I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
