He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
