Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
