haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
