I'm so fucking centered right now
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
