all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
