Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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