I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
