After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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