Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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