why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
