i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
