Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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