I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
