I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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