I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Randomize
