i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
