I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
