I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize