in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
