It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
