I didn't shave. On purpose
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize