There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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