I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
