Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize