I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
