people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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