So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
