my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
