mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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