He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
