You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
